Sorry to be cryptic

Lost in Translation… How do you relate a look; a longing; a feeling with the utmost clarity? You can’t and no matter what I write you’ll never know. I’m just going to give you a rumbling of emotions praying that you can relate and maybe for one second be able to enjoy the fever that was this weekend.

            Distance, a joke really in ones head… I sit and listen to U2’s “I still haven’t found what I looking for” oh lord where to begin. Mountains and Walls can’t stop me… I can fly I can ride and still time haunts me only as much as my heart lets it. I was there walking to the door… Trip what trip? I don’t even remember being in a car.

            A simple hand shake is all that’s needed. No, I hug everyone why would this be any different. But it is different and how do you not make it an oddity, the moment you’ve been waiting for. Acting on feeling an embrace of what? Joy… Connection… Belonging… Again no words will come. It’s like walking into a candy box, seeing every little ornate detail dying to bite in and know more. The dog, the parents, the horses, and art so overwhelmed.

            More driving or were we there the whole time? New people um… not what I had in mind for tonight. Well we were the new guys anyway… I could have thought of about a thousand other things but I love my brother and it’s important to him. I want to know what she’s thinking under those heavy eyelids as we burn time. There are so many things important I want to share, but none more important than Carter. He is so much of me and my life. Care, feelings and confusion at my own randomness strike me and all I want is to talk. Not here and not now…

            What’s that look for? You’ve seen it again the amusement and sparkle in your eye then that total expression of deep contemplation. You’re tired and need to sleep, but say otherwise. I want to share the time, and who I am with you. Where to start? How do you tell a story of value that you’ve never heard? It’s yours to give but is it truly ever given or is it lost in translation. Then you speak in all five languages telling me you know all to well. How did you know? Looking into those eyes all I want to know is “What is that look for?” Reading me as if I were a manuscript to a play that only I know. Can’t express now what you already know but you share so well. Each little finger contains more magic that every fairytale I’ve ever read. Never found a match that burns brighter than the passion of one breath. I’m dreaming I have to wake up…

            Oh yes I’m awake. Mattress of doom torments my side like the logs of a tree ready to be burned. Never that matter, I see something new, warm and important. “I don’t wanna miss a thing” not one breath. If you measure two days in breath how much is wasted when we sleep. Is it your calm face to gentle presence that makes me sleep. “Your story to remain untold but all the promises we make from the cradle to the grave when all I want is you”. A last line floats through my existence as the warmth consumes me…

            Fear, I’m gone is the dream over or still going. No it’s life again, but different. Happy to be awake, happy to sleep, happy to be in my own freak’n bed, sad at it’s emptiness. Yes it was real! It was all real! I’m so happy but did she wake up to a different reality, one where she hadn’t noticed a change, subtle yet a change? Fear again! Did I get across what I needed or was it lost in translation?